


Gay to the Bones

by Oli_the_gayest



Category: Original Work
Genre: Eventual Smut, Gay, Ghost Sex, Love, M/M, Soulmates, Undead, dead, ghost - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-05-16 10:57:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14810042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oli_the_gayest/pseuds/Oli_the_gayest
Summary: Jace meets the perfect guy only a few blocks away from his house. Corvus is handsome, funny, smart, and everything Jace has ever dreamed about. Unfortunately, he also happens to be dead.





	1. A Matter of Life and Death

The day was hot. Pavement burning you through the soles of your shoes, heat waves giving you the illusion reality is melting, cooking an egg on the sidewalk hot. Anybody with good sense was inside, cranking up the AC and saying fuck the power bill. Unfortunately, I was not one of those people. I'd chosen to face the oppressive, 110-degree day, because it was nothing compared to the hell I'd be facing at home. Not a day went by without somebody fighting in my house, and it was seriously beginning to grate on my nerves. This time, it was Nate, my older sister's douchey boyfriend. He'd gotten caught in her room once again, resulting in World War Three in my kitchen, my mom and dad verses Nate and Janine. Normally, I'd escape to my room behind a pair of noise cancelling headphones, but that morning I had the great misfortune of accidentally stepping on them, breaking them into like, three pieces. I didn't even have my spare earbuds, because in a cruel twist of irony, I'd lent them to Janene. I tried to just ignore them and read my book, but it was abundantly apparent that this was a real battle royal, one that would neither be tuned out nor ending anytime soon. Fed up, I stuffed my book, sketchbook, and some sunscreen into my bag, grabbed my longboard, and left, slamming the door behind me. 

It was an incredibly stupid idea for me to be going outside in the first place. I had always been highly sensitive to hot weather and sunlight, and had collapsed in temperatures milder than this, not to mention wicked the wicked sunburn I tended to get, but I was angry, and frustrated, and couldn't take my family anymore. The noise caused by the wheels of my longboard cut through the silence of the empty streets. Everything felt surreal, I was in an alternate reality: earth but inside an oven. My original intent had been to go to the McDonald’s about a mile or so away from my house. I could get a soda and an ice cream cone and chill out in the air conditioning with free Wi-Fi. But a few blocks away from my house and I was beginning to really feel the heat. I was sweaty, my head was starting to hurt badly, and my vision was beginning to go weird. I knew I needed to sit in the shade and rest, maybe sip some water. The closest source of shade I could see was the cemetery. Morbid, but I was desperate. And perhaps not as bothered as I should be by graveyards or dead people.

As I approached the entrance, I stepped off my longboard, opting to carry it instead. Although there was nobody in sight, something about skating through a graveyard seemed deeply disrespectful. I wasn’t a monster. I walked along a path to the back corner where several live oaks were growing, covered in Spanish moss, perfect shade. Taking care to check that I wasn’t sitting down on a grave, I collapsed into the blissfully cool grass. Digging through my bag, I realized I hadn't brought anything to drink. Really, it was not one of my brightest days. I decided to wait until I stopped feeling dizzy, and then I'd go home and drink a ton of water. I closed my eyes, longing for a breeze. As soon as that thought entered my mind, a light breeze blew by. It felt wonderful, causing the sweat on my body to cool. Feeling encouraged, I stood up... and immediately collapsed, darkness claiming my vision. 

The next thing I knew, I was being roused by a wonderful, cool feeling. As my eyes opened, I saw a boy leaning over me, his face uncomfortably close to mine, rubbing my arms and chest with his wonderfully but startling cold touch. He was very attractive too, with shoulder length wavy hair, gauged ears, and snake bites in his lower lip. He looked like a badass. But he was also a stranger, a stranger that was sitting directly on top of me.

"Uh... what the hell?" I asked him. He yelled in shock and scrambled off me the moment I spoke.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you'd be able to see me! Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me, you’re not supposed to see me, what the hell?!”

 

“What?" I sat up, in pure disbelief that _he_ was the one startled by _me._ "What do you mean how could I see you? How could I not see you? You were sort of three inches away from my face and sitting on me. Speaking of, what were you doing _sitting on me_?”

"Well I was sort of, uh, trying to save your life." He said, grimacing in an apologetic way.

I stared at him blankly. 

"Okay. I guess I'll do my best to explain, but it's going to sound weird, and it’s definitely going to freak you out.”

"Please explain. I think we’ve surpassed weird at this point anyway to be honest." 

"Okay, here goes. So, basically, I'm dead. I'm kind of a ghost but also not really, but that's a whole different story that would take too long to explain. You collapsed about three hours ago and are currently pretty close to being dead due to dehydration and heat exaustion. You would've been dead three times over by now, but luckily you collapsed close enough that I noticed. Honestly, you lucked out collapsing near my grave because barely anyone's left, but anyways, I've been keeping you as cold as possible. At first me just being near you was enough, but you're getting pretty bad so I got desperate. You better hope somebody finds you soon because you're really close to dying now and there's not much else I can do. The fact that you can see me is pretty bad news for you, I'd imagine, especially since you’re separating from your body. But yeah, the living aren’t really supposed to sense us well at all. Most of you can't even see us. So, there’s that. Sorry for scaring you, but honestly I didn’t even know you’d know I was here.”

I stared at him, unsure how to react, neither to what he was saying nor to the matter of fact way in which he said it.

"Okay, maybe you don’t believe me. Uhhhh, try not to freak out, but look behind you and you’ll see what I mean.”

I turned to look behind me and promptly began to freak out. Laying in the grass was me. I didn’t look too good at all. I realized that I was sitting up outside of me, my “legs” still inside my legs as far as I could tell.

“That’s not good.” I say, sounding much, much calmer then I felt. "Can you uh… go back to what you were doing?”

“Yeah sure.” He said, sitting next to my head and putting his hands on my chest. “I would stay still as much as possible, the further you remove yourself from your body the smaller your chance of making it through this is.”

“You said I’ve been like this for three hours?”

“Yeah give or take. You were passed out before I found you, I’m not sure for how long.”

I was trying my very hardest not to panic.

“Okay I can tell you’re freaking out. Try and stay calm. You really don’t want to make your heart beat too fast right now. If it makes you feel any better, being dead really isn’t that bad. Also, if somebody finds you soon you’re most likely going to make it.”

“Why hasn’t anybody found me yet?” I asked. “I mean I’ve been gone for at least three hours and I’m really not far from my house, my family or someone should’ve found me by now.”

“Well…” He said, looking uncomfortable. “I mean, are you supposed to be somewhere by now?”

“Oh god. No not really. My family probably hasn't even noticed I'm gone yet, I've left way longer then three hours before."

The boy looked at me sadly. “I mean, there’s still a high chance of you being spotted by passerby or something. Just try to focus on being calm and staying put. You still have plenty of time to be found.

“How the fuck am I supposed to be calm?” I asked him. “This isn’t the most cathartic experience I’ve ever had.”

“I don’t know, man, I died instantly. I never had to deal with this in between shit.”

“What happened to you? Like, how did you die?”

“Jesus that’s a personal question. Why don’t you just ask me when I lost my virginity or something.”

“Okay. When did you lose your virginity?” 

He turned bright red and scowled at me. 

“I'm sorry, I've never talked to a dead guy before, I didn't know." 

His expression softened. “No, that’s okay. I don’t mind telling you actually, especially if it will distract you.” He took a deep breath, and I resisted the urge to ask if ghosts need to breath or if they just did it for show. “I was nineteen years old. Young, reckless, stupid. I was always messing around on my motorcycle, doing wheelies on the highway, going at least twice the speed limit, weaving in and out of cars for the fun of it, stupid shit like that. It’s surprising that that wasn’t what got me killed, not directly anyways. I got into a bad accident and ended up in the hospital in a coma for three months, with two broken legs, a broken collar bone, and like eight ribs. Even after I got the casts off and had full mobility, I had to do a shit ton of physical therapy.

“After that, being a reckless daredevil lost its appeal. Before I’d felt almost invincible, like I had full control, but I was forced to face the potential consequences head on. What if I got killed? What if I caused somebody else’s death? What if somebody had to live with the fact that they’d been the one that crashed into a motorcycle, killing the driver. I know if that was me I’d always have survivors guilt over it, even if it was the motorcyclist’s fault. So, I sold both my bikes online. A lot of other people where interested, but one guy in particular stood out to me. He had a passion for bikes and offered nearly twice as much money as anybody else did, and as a starving young adult with a mountain of medical bills, it was a highly attractive offer.”

A dark, haunted look came over his face, and I felt that sort of intense secondhand dread you get when you see a character with less information then you about to make a choice that will get them killed, and you just want to yell out “Not that door!”, the helplessness of knowing what’s going to happen and not being able to stop it.

“Everything seemed normal at first. He arrived, inspected the bikes. It was clear he knew what he was doing, and nothing about him set off any alarms for me. He said he’d go get his money from the car, and I could load the bikes into the back. He was driving this sort of cargo van, one of those boxy ones with lots of room in the back. I didn’t realize something wasn't right until I climbed in with the first bike and saw all the shit he had back there. Like five or six different sizes of saws, an ax, rope, duct tape, zip ties, and some sort of riding crop. Exactly what you’d expect a pervert murderer off the internet to have in his sketchy white van.

“As I’m sure you can guess, as I turned to get the hell out of there, the doors were slammed shut. I assume he put on child locks or something, because I could not get those doors open. He started to drive, and when he stopped, well, at least it was quick. I was expecting torture, like sexual sadism, but he blind folded me, forced me to lay face down. There was an incredible, crushingly painful force on my neck, then the force lifted, and then there was a burst of white light and I was dead.”

I was almost afraid to ask, but too intrigued not to. “Do you know what he did?”

“Oh yeah, he chopped my head clean off. It actually took five or six hits to get it off completely, I watched him do it, but luckily the second blow killed me.”

“Jesus.” I said, feeling queasy.

“See, my head is stitched onto my neck.” He said, lifting his chin. For the first time I noticed the stitches in what appeared to be black thread circling his neck like a necklace. “I can actually pull my head off if I want, but I usually keep it stitched on. It’s annoying when your head keeps falling off and rolling wherever, and it’s a pain in the neck to stich back up.” He giggled a little. “Ha, get it? Pain in the neck?”

I laughed even though it was kind of a stupid joke. I was a sucker for puns, even from dead guys.

“Well, since I told you how I died, you should tell me something you’ve never told anyone before.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Like, how about you tell me how you lost your virginity.” He said, laughing.

“Oh, that’s easy. I haven’t. There you go, does that count?”

“No it does not. Seriously, tell me something. There’s no risk, who am I gonna tell?”

“That’s true. Alright, well, I’m gay.” There were a thousand other, less personal, less embarrassing, less soul bearing things that I could have told him. Things that were plenty personal, but not my deepest secret, my entire hidden identity. But the truth was, some part of me really wanted him to know. Namely, the gay part that thought this boy was cute.

“Really?” He said, looking at me with interest. “Well, so am I. Well, I’m bi, but I definitely prefer guys. Ha! Now you owe me another personal detail about yourself.”

It did not escape my notice that the only guy I’d been interested in in a long time was dead. Because of course he was. 

“How is that fair? I didn't ask you to tell me that." 

“Hey, I don’t make the rules. I think since I told you that I’m gay you should tell me… your name.” He said with a grin.

I laughed, slightly relieved. "My name is Jace. Thank god I didn't have to tell you what happened to me in ninth grade, I think the embarrassment from that alone would kill me the rest of the way." 

“As intrigued as I am by that, I'm not going to ask about that right now. Mostly because I see somebody running towards you and am fairly certain you’re about to be rescued. My name is Corvus J. Bird, by the way. When you’re all better, you should find my headstone. You might not be able to see me, but I’ll be there. You’ll know it I think. It would be good to know you survived.”

I felt oddly disappointed rather then relieved somehow. "How do I know you're real?" I asked, glancing anxiously at the lady running towards me, seconds away from saving me. 

"I guess you don't have any way of knowing that. Just find my headstone, even if I'm not real what do you have to lose?" My rescuer, whom I recognized as my neighbor, was shaking me at this point. It was surreal that I could see her shaking it but not feel it. 

"Okay, I'll find your headstone. I promise." My neighbor was dialing a number on her cellphone at this point, presumably 911. 

"And if you somehow don't survive, I'll come find you. That way you won't be alone in the afterlife." 

"Uh, thanks?" I said, nervous again. 

"Don't worry, there's a hospital near here, you'll make it." 

Things were getting fuzzy, he seemed to be fading in and out of focus, and I felt a chill of fear run through me that I really was dying. 

"You better lay down." I heard him say from far away, so I did, letting his cool hands guide me down as sirens went off in the distance. 

 

The next thing I knew, I was laying in a hospital bed, my family gathered around me, IV in my hand. I wasn't focused as both my parents expressed their relief that I was okay. I felt hazy as my mom tearfully hugged me, only felt a small twinge of recognition that she was hugging too tight.

I knew that after that, after almost dying, I was going to be different for awhile. 

As for Corvus, I wasn't sure if he was real, but I hoped to find out. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the summer after my near death experience was uneventful. Gradually, my parents turned their attention back to fighting each other and my sister. I tried not to think about what happened by avoiding the graveyard or even going outside, opting to play an excessive amount of video games instead. I did start drinking a ton of water, and although I had to pee all the time, I actually started feeling healthier. The whole thing still freaked me out, and thinking about my out of body experience made me feel weird and dizzy, like I might float away again. It was hard enough to feel like I had come back fully at times without revisiting the incident. As for Corvus, I assumed he was some kind of dream or something. There was no way he was real, that somehow the hottest guy I could possibly imagine had saved me from beyond the grave. And although I dreamed about him quite often, either in nightmares or rather more pleasant dreams, I knew I couldn't deal with it if I found out for sure he wasn't real. I definitely wouldn't know how to deal with it if he was. 

I was looking forward to my senior year starting. I felt like maybe the routine of being told where to go and what to do for seven hours five days a week might help me return back to reality. Plus I would see my friends everyday. I hadn't really seen any of them all summer. Fern, one of my best friends, was in Europe, and Mallory my other best friend was working so much we were only able to see each other a couple times, and I didn't have any friends I was close with enough to hang out with outside of school. And it was a complete and total bonus that my sister would be returning to school, and my parents would be working constantly, so I wouldn't see my family nearly as often even when I was home. 

The first day of school came sooner then I'd anticipated, and of course, I was running late, and barely managed to make it to class on time. I didn't know anyone in my first two classes, but they passed fairly quickly, considering we just played the typical dumb get to know you games. I never understood why teachers forced us to play those, it wasn't like knowing my favorite animal that started with the first letter of my name was useful information to anyone. Finally, third period came, my first class with Fern and Mallory. I was excited, not only to see Fern for the first time in literal months, but also for the class itself. I had been trying to get into Creative Writing since I was a freshman, I really enjoyed writing a lot, and always did the best in my English classes.

Even though it was one classroom over from my second period, somehow Mallory had beaten me there. Which was extra miraculous since Mallory was the type to walk in seconds before the bell rang. That always stressed me out. How anybody could stand to be perpetually on the cusp of being late was beyond me, although it was possible there was a method to her madness because not one time had she ever been late to class, not even by a second. 

"Hey!" She said, standing up to give me a hug. I hugged her back. I didn't usually hug people, but me and her were super close so I made an exception. 

"I am so glad to see youuuuu." I said, giving her an extra squeeze before releasing her. We sat both put our backpacks in one of the seats at our table group to save it for for Fern. "How did you beat me here? My second period is right there." I said pointing to the door that conjoined the two classrooms. 

"I teleported." She said, completely deadpan. I rolled my eyes at her and she laughed. "No, this is my English class too, same teacher." 

"That was dumb. Is the teacher nice?" 

"Yeah she's really cool! She complimented my sweater." Mallory loved her sweaters. She had all sorts of crazy cloths that she found exclusively at thrift shops, and today she was wearing her favorite outfit, including an ugly Christmas style sweater with little ducks all over it. 

"It is a good sweater, even though it's hideous." I shielded myself with my arms as she smacked me with her binder. I was saved from a playful but no doubt deadly beatdown by the arrival of Kody, who I would consider a school friend. He had been a new student at our school a couple months before school ended our junior year. We became friends because I was the only person in Biology that didn't have a desk mate or lab partner, and from there we discovered we had a lot in common. He was an amazing artist, he could sketch anything, and his water paints were to die for. He was adorable too, with his floppy blond hair and bright blue eyes. I had a total crush on him, and had a hunch that he might be into guys, but never got to find out, because for a brief time, he and Mallory dated. Thankfully, he was one of Mallory's exes that she actually got along with. 

"Is this seat taken?" He asked quietly. He was as soft spoken as Mallory was loud, and like me, he avoided eye contact at all costs. 

"Go ahead." I said. He smiled a little as he sat down, god he was cute. 

"Hey Kody." Said Mallory, grinning at him. 

"Hi." 

""Hey where's Fern?" I asked Mallory, glancing at the time on my phone as he settled into his seat. I hoped she would hurry up, I was anxious to see her. 

"I don't know. She wasn't in first period at all and she hasn't texted me since this morning before school." 

"Maybe she fell back asleep? She could still be jet lagged." I said, "Didn't she just fly back like two nights ago?"

"That's true." Said Mallory doubtfully. "It doesn't really seem like her." Fern was crazy about school. We often compared her to Hermione from _Harry Potter_   because she considered a B a bad grade, and was never late to class unless she had to be. She would never miss the first day of school voluntarily, and it didn't seem like something as trivial as jet lag would hold her back when I'd personally witnessed her trying to go to school that time she had pneumonia, describing it as "just a cold".  

Before we could discuss it further, the bell rang and our teacher started attendance. Me and Mallory exchanged looks as she read Fern's name, and we both texted her again. The rest of class was awesome, but I kept glancing at the door, distracted as we read over the syllabus. I was expecting Fern to rush in apologizing for being late at any moment, coffee in hand, but she didn't come. I was disappointed, but not worried yet, although I kept checking my phone. I had been really excited to see her. 

"She probably fell asleep."  Kody reassured Mallory as we left class. "When I got back from my trip to Germany last year I slept for like five days strait and I was only gone for like, a week." 

"Yeah still, " I said. "Should we try calling her?"<

"Already on it." Mallory said. "God she'd kill us if we let her miss the entire first day of school." The three of us paused and stood to the side as we waited for her to pick up. 

"No answer." Said Mallory, sliding her phone in her pocket, looking distraught. "Jeez, I gotta get to class, text me if you hear from her at all." 

"You too." I said. 

She nodded and bustled away. Her anxiety made me uneasy, even though I was sure she was just asleep or sick or something. 

"What class do you have next?" Kody asked me as Mallory walked away. The perfect distraction. 

"Uhhhh, let me check." I pulled my schedule out of my pocket. "It looks like I have Drawing II next." 

"Oh really? Me too!"

"Oh nice! That's awesome." 

"So um, how was your summer?" He asked. "Did you do anything cool?"

"Not really, I mean I almost died, but that's about it." 

"Wait really? What happened? I mean, if you don't mind me asking." 

"No it's okay. Heatstroke. I forgot to bring water when I was out long boarding during that heatwave. I collapsed and it was hours before anyone found me." For some reason, I felt okay telling him about it. I hadn't talked about it much to anyone, but bringing it up with him was easier then I'd expect it to. 

"Oh god, I'm really glad you're okay." He said. 

"Me too." I said with a light chuckle. "But what about you? Anything cool or interesting this summer?"

"Well, I didn't almost die or anything, you have me beat there, but I did go to a family reunion I guess. Interesting might be the best way to describe it but I wouldn't say that's a good thing." 

"Why do you say that?" I asked him as we sat down together. 

"My dad's family is just, very homophobic. Which is difficult to deal with." 

"Oh yeah, that always sucks." My heart leaped into my throat, and I wondered if he could possibly be not strait after all, but was to scared to ask, in case I was just getting my hopes up for nothing. "Did you do anymore speed paints?"

He blushed. "Oh yeah, I did. How'd you know I like to speed paint?" 

"You showed me some that you did last year, remember? They were really cool." 

"Oh, well, thank you. I can show you my new ones if you want, I have pictures."

"I'd love to." I said as the bell rang. "Show me after class." 

He smiled. "Okay. Or, um, I could just give you my number and text them to you later? I kind of have to rush off to my next class it's all the way across the school." 

"Okay." I said, pretending to be casual about it as I handed him my phone. He grinned and handed me his phone. I put my number in it, my heart pounding. I wondered if he could possibly be hitting on me. It was hard for me to tell if somebody liked me or not, especially if that somebody was probably strait. I could just be projecting or reading into things. I spent the rest of the class period fighting myself in my head. The sensible part of me that knew that he was Mallory's ex and I probably had no chance with him, versus the hopeful part of me that was just starved for love and affection. Why did I always have to read into things? Was it normal to give your friends your number like that? I had no idea, I hadn't really made a lot of new friends since I met Mallory and Fern in middle school. 

There was still no word from Fern as the three of us met at Mallory's car to go to Mcdonald's. Neither me nor Mallory said anything about it, but I know both of us felt weird getting into her car without Fern. Only the seniors were allowed to go off campus for lunch, and the three of us had been waiting eagerly for that privilege since we'd started high school together. Even without her though, it was a huge thrill to pull out of the parking lot during school hours. I think about that lunch a lot. I remember feeling rebellious even though we weren't breaking any rules, and free even though it was for like forty five minutes. I was going to say something about it, or about how old we were getting, but then a Taylor Swift song came on and I had to make fun of Mallory instead. 

"Okay, how can you listen to Taylor Swift?" I asked Mallory. 

"How can you  _not_ listen to Taylor Swift?" She said, turning it up. 

I covered my ears and pretended to groan in pain. "Nooooooo." 

"She's right, Jace, how can you not?" Chimed in Kody from the back seat. I turned around to glare at him. 

"Not you too." 

He shrugged. "At least she's not listening to Halsey." He said, shooting me a grin. 

"Oh, I see how it is!" Mallory yelled as we snickered. "It's not my fault you guys aren't deep enough to understand my music." 

"I'm sorry, did you just say Taylor Swift is deep?" I said, turning to her to stare at her in mock disbelief. 

"I said what I said." She pulled into Mcdonald's. "Now get out of my car." She said as she parked. 

"Oh, are we going in?" I asked her. 

"Do you not want to go in?" She asked. 

"Do we have time to go in?"

"Yeah, we still have about forty minutes of lunch, so as long as we're done in twenty five minutes or so we have plenty of time to drive back and still be back to class early." Said Kody. 

"Okay, then sure, let's go in." 

We ordered our food and all sat down at a booth. I sat on one side, and to my delight Kody sat next to me. It was small, so he had to sit really close to me, and the hopeful part of me couldn't help but wonder if he'd done that on purpose, after all, he could've grabbed a chair, or sat by Mallory.

"Why'd you get a salad? At  _Mcdonald's?_ " Kody asked her as she started to eat. 

"It's healthier." She said, shrugging. 

"Then why'd you order a large shake?" I asked her. "How is that healthy?"

"Why do you have to pick on everything I do?" 

"Because I love youuuuuuu." I said in an obnoxious tone of voice. She flipped me off and continued to eat her salad.

Before I could respond to her, Kody leaned across me to snatch one of my fries at lightening speed. 

"Hey man what the hell?" I asked him, laughing. My heart pounded at the close contact. "If you wanted fries you should've ordered some." 

"Nah, I needed the extra money to get more nugs. I just figured we'd share fries since you got a large." 

" _Nugs."_ I said, losing my shit laughing. "That sounds so wrong somehow." 

Instead of responding, he just snatched like five fries and stuffed them in his mouth. In retaliation, I snatched his Diet Coke and took a sip of it. His shit eating grin turned to a look of shock. It was funny and adorable, and I was a little nervous that I'd gone too far, but then he grinned. 

"If you wanted a soda you should've ordered one." 

"I did, I just wanted yours." 

"God guys get a room." Said Mallory, rolling her eyes and sipping her shake. I would've given anything in that moment to not go bright red, but of course I did. Immediately, the air was thick with awkwardness, I didn't dare look at him. I forced a laugh and just went back to eating my fries, nervous beyond belief. 

"Um, we should get back. We have plenty of time still, but I'm paranoid." Kody said, checking his watch.

"Okay, that's fine." Said Mallory, "but I gotta pee first." 

"That's fine. We still have like fifteen minutes." 

The silence was unbearable after Mallory was gone, and I struggled to think of something to say. 

"Do you really like Taylor Swift?" I asked him. 

"No, not really. I mean, she's fine, she has a few really good songs. But over all I'd say she's so/so."

"I actually agree with you on that, I just gotta give Mallory shit because she used to make fun of Fern for listening to her because she was a country singer." 

"Well yeah." He said. "Obviously." 

"Honestly I could've stopped that sentence at I just I gotta give Mallory shit." 

He laughed. "Yeah, but she's cool. I'm glad we're still friends." I couldn't prevent the surge of  jealousy that went through me. 

"Me too. When Mallory hates someone, it means we all hate them or she gets mad. Which I guess I get."

"Well I'm really glad she doesn't hate me then. It would suck if you had to hate me." 

I wondered if my heart rate would ever return to normal around him. 

Mallory came back then, and I couldn't tell if I was relieved or disappointed. We all piled into her car, and of course, just to be annoying, she blasted Taylor Swift on the way back. It was wonderful and fun to mess around with them, to finally feel normal for once. I would see Fern again soon, there was the slight possibility that maybe something could happen with this cute hilarious boy who may or may not be hitting on me, I hadn't thought about death a single time that day, and I loved my classes. Everything, it seemed, was perfect.

I think about that lunch a lot, the car ride back from it. Back when my biggest problems were whether not it would work out with my crush and my run in with heat stroke. The final time I made Mallory laugh so hard she cried. The last thirty minutes before my life turned upside down forever. I used to wish I could just go back to that moment in my life, stay there forever, and avoid what came next. Sometimes I still feel that way. I'll never stop wishing that I could go back, that Fern could've just been there with us, that I could've just gone back to school and class and been a normal highschooler. Dated Kody and pulled pranks with my friends. But that's not how life works, and that's not what happened. And even if I could change it, I'm not positive I would. Because if I did, I might never have seen Corvus again. 

 


End file.
